Thursday, August 16, 2007

This Is Not My Beautiful House, This Is Not My Beautiful Wife

I'm about to have a nervous breakdown, my head really hurts.
--Black Flag, "Nervous Breakdown"

I lost my mind...I lost my mind...I lost my mind...gimme some skin. Gimmie some gin. I want some wine....I lost my mind.
--The Ramones, "I Lost My Mind"

If your life has ever been circumscribed by an insect, please let me know. I need some empathy. I need some inspiration. I need help.

Over the past three weeks, bedbugs have defined my existence. I've had to leave my home overnight because of them, and Wife and Baby have had to leave for two weeks because of them. Every day is the same: return from work, vacuum two hours, bag my clothes and wash them, order takeout, eat, collapse.

I don't read, I don't write, I barely have energy to watch television. The solitary existence is not a bachelor's paradise. Forget blogging, or blog lurking, or making comments to others' blogs. People have probably given birth, died, or attended a Lindsey Lohan concert, if there is such a thing.

I've wanted to post something, but haven't had the time, energy, or desire; perhaps this is a cop-out, but copping out is something I'm expert at doing. Tonight is a special night -- after I've vacuumed and done laundry, I get to put on gloves and a mask and spray my apartment with chemicals skimmed off of a Superfund toxic waste dump. Then, I get to leave my place for an hour, wander the streets, return, and collapse.

Wife and Baby return tomorrow, so I hopefully gain some equilibrium. Otherwise, I'm durn close to throwing myself in front of a bus. Metaphorically speaking.