Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Speaking in Tongues

Ohhhhhhhh yeah, baaaaaaby!

This is Rockin' Rick St. Clair, comin' at ya with a 129-minute music marathon, kickin' off with Def Leppard! That's right, I said Def Leppard — it’s “Pyromania”! On Peoria's home of classic hits, 109.1 FM, WLYN, The Lion! Oh, yeah!

Musical interlude

Schlock of ages

Baaaaaaaaby! That wrapped up our 340-minute, commercial-free music marathon with KISS! “Detroit Rock City”! Ohhhhhhhh, yeah! It's a steamy 95 degrees out there but cool at WLYN, 109.1 FM! You’re on the air on The Lion! Who’s this?

Hello? Is this Rockin' Rick? Did I win?

Yeah, baaaaby, you're the 203rd caller to the WYLN Party Prize Hotline! Answer this question right and you score two tickets to see Jerking for the Weekend, the world’s greatest Loverboy tribute band, at McShooters, Peoria's happy-good-time people place, this Saturday! McShooters -- where ladies drink for free every Tuesday!

OK, all you have to know is who was the original drummer for the Beatles—

Ohmigod! Pete Best! It's Pete Best! Rockin' Rick, this is great! I've lived in Peoria my whole life, and I work down in the photo department at the Walgreens, and my marriage is on the rocks, and Don and I don't have sex no more, and we love Loverboy and going to this show will help strengthen our marriage, I know it, and--

Ooops, sounds like we got cut off there before we could get any of the caller's info! So the two tickets to see Jerking for the Weekend are still available! Be the 486rd caller after our next 344-minute music marathon to see if you can be a big winner! On WYLN - Peroria's very own 109.1 FM, The Lion!

And don't forget to check out the Morning Zoo tomorrow morning on The Lion! You don't have to go to Chicago or St. Louis or New York to get the Morning Zoo -- you got it here in Peoria, Illinois!

Rockin' Rick St. Clair here! You know what you want -- AC/DC! And it’s a Back-to-Back-to-Back Pack Weekend at The Lion! Kicking it off is one of Rockin' Rick's favorite's "For Those About to Rock"! We salute you! On Peoria’s home for Classic Rock -- 109.1 FM, The Lion!

Musical interlude

Oh, yeahhhhh! We just finished that music marathon with back-to-back-to-back REO Speedwagon, who come from right here, downstate Illinois! Yeah, baby!

Hey, this is James. Am I on the air?

Yeah, James, you're the 571st caller to The Lion! Just turn your radio down, dude!

Is this Rockin' Rick St. Claire? Did I win something?

Oh, yeah, baaaaby! You answer our Mystery Music Question, and you win two tickets to see Pack of Emus, the world's most awesome Flock of Seagulls tribute band, all at The Horny Pig, Peoria's finest rock club for over 35 years!

Man, I never win anything! Too awesome! Oh, man, my Mom and I are dying to see Pack of Emus! My Mom might say she loves me, for once!

Right on, James! The Mystery Music Question is: Which one of the following was NOT in the Rolling Stones? Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, or Ashlee Simpson?

Hold on…how do you spell "Ashlee—"?

Ooops, sorry, I hear you typing on your keyboard there no help from the Classic Rock Gods of the Internet! We'll have to wait until next hour to give away those tickets! In the meantime, let's start up a 96-hour non-stop commercial free music marathon with — who else! — Van Halen! Oh, yeah, baaaaaaaaby! Kicking it off with “Jump” on Peoria’s HOME of Classic Rock, WLYN — The Lion!

Musical interlude

Man, that was some music marathon! Ending it all with “Cars” by Gary Numan! ONLY classic rock on The Lion -- where it doesn't have to be good to be a classic! And hello! You’re on The Lion with Rockin’ Rick St. Clair!

Rockin' Rick's competition

Rick, hello. This is Bookfraud.

Hey, you’re the 998th caller to The Lion! All you have to do is answer our Rock Quiz Smashdown, and you get a couple of free backstage passes at the Peoria County Fairgrounds to hear “Walk This Way” and “Sweet Emotion” and other classic hits sung by Germany's best tribute band, Aeroschmitt! All courtesy of 109.1 FM, The Lion!

I really don't care about the tickets.

You mean you don't want to see Aeroschmitt, featured in this month’s issue of Peoria Life magazine?

Actually, no. I just want to know if you’ve ever published a novel. Or short story.

Why you asking me, the King of classic rock? Maybe you should ask the Morning Wake Up Krew, 6 a.m. until 11 every morning on The Lion! They're wacky and wild — you never know what you'll hear on the Morning Wake Up Krew! Oh, yeaaaaaaaaah!

Well, it seems every time I open up a magazine or newspaper, somebody is getting published to great acclaim or winning an award, and they’re half my age and twice as attractive. So I thought I would call a burnout disc jockey with six brain cells left and see if he's gotten published.

Well, hell yeah, baaaaaaby! Everybody’s gotten their book published — to great acclaim! Everybody but you!

You’ve published fiction?

Oh, yeaahhhhh! Short stories in The New Yorker, The Paris Review, Shenandoah, Quarterly West, AGNI, Prairie Schooner, Ploughsares

And you published a novel?

Baaaaaby, I’ve had more hits than we play in a Metal Power Rock Block! Didn’t you read my novels? They’ve been nominated for the Booker Prize!

You have to be British or a citizen of the Commonwealth to win one of those.

But that’s how awesome my writing is, dude! Everybody is awesome but for you, apparently!


Listen, Booktard, or whatever you call yourself, why are you so obsessed? If you like writing, just keep writing! If you don’t like it because you don’t get published, why bother? You might as well try listening to opera or jazz or some crap like that and pretending that you like it because it’s good for you! When you could be listening to a commercial free non-stop Stones Hot Rocks weekend on The Lion!

Wake up to the Morning Zoo!

What the hell are you talking about?

Just write only if you like it — because Rockin’ Rick St. Clair knows you only have one life, and though I’ve had six kids by six women, and a lot of times in rehab — I lost count after my third time at Hazelden, oh yeaaahhhhh! — if you’re spending it chasing success, you’ll be unhappy!

I guess you’re right. I’ll get off the phone now. You’ve cleared my mind. I just have one request.

Rockin’ Rick is all ears!

Play ”The Man on the Silver Mountain.”

You got it, baaaaaaby! My favorite — Ronnie James DIO! DIO on 109.1 FM, The Lion! WLYN — Peoria’s ONLY place for CLASSIC rock! Rockin’ Rick St. Clair about to kick off a 17-day non-stop commercial-free music marathon! Right NOW on The Lion!