Tuesday, February 07, 2006


The pictures in question analyzed! Plus, anti-Semitic newspaper cartoons that appear regularly in Arab newspapers that nobody's rioted about yet!

Please, men and women of planet earth, listen to my cries. Never has so much anger been spent on bad, ignorant cartoons. I mean, it's not something worth going out into the streets and destroying property over, like "Barney and Friends." Or The Macarena.

So, in the interest of world peace, I offer reinterpretations of these "works of art" that I wish others would consider for the sake of humanity. Read with an open mind and heart! This will change your mind and bring sanity back to our peoples!

(These are probably more offensive than the original works themselves, so please, don't get on my case. And if you deface this site, please follow two simple rules:

1. Write in English.
2. Have your work proofread beforehand to ensure proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation. Nobody likes carelessness!)


In the Name of Love Interpretation: Anybody fool can see that this artist was trying to simply say, "This dude's awesome -- He's da bomb!!!"

Why Does Bono Get All the Press & Chicks Because He's Solves World Issues Interpretation: Did anybody consider the possibility that someone put a bomb on the man's head, without him realizing it? Muhammad is obviously the victim here! And it was a Jew who did it!

I Mean, Where the Hell Is Bono Right Now? This Would Really Mean He Would Win the Nobel Peace Prize Interpretation: Come on baby, try to set the night on fiiiiire...!


C'mon, Give Me a Nobel Peace Price Already Interpretation: Just because there's a Star of David on the gentleman's hat, doesn't mean he's Jewish! Madonna wears a Star of David! So did Elvis! And Abraham Lincoln! And Ludwig von Beethoven! And Plato! And the dude who wrote the Epic of Gilgamesh!

(Actually, the person pictured is that mean old man down the street who waves a shotgun at trick-or-treaters and yells "Git off my porch, you stupid kids!" Except he's wearing an eagle's nest under his chin.)

Hell, If Henry Kissinger and Yassir Arafat Can Win a Nobel Peace Price, Anybody Can Interpretation: I told you before, I gave at the office.

But Henry Kissinger Doesn't Even Keep Kosher, For Shit's Sake Interpretation: Hell, if I looked like that ugly old coot, I'd be anti-Semitic, too.


I Really Think Bono Is the Answer Here, Really, I Mean It Interpretation: A clear case of someone misinterpreting the original Danish. What he really said was, "Stop, stop, we ran out of the Crunchy, Wholesome Goodness of Kellog's All-Bran!"

No, Damnit, ELVIS Would Have Just Thrown a Few Karate Kicks and Solved Things Intepretation: Nobody said virgin girls, did they! It could be virgin boys. Virgin Olive Oil. Maybe "The Virgin Suicides," that lyrical masterpiece of voice and mood, by Jeffrey Eugenides. C'mon!

Get Out, Dude! If Elvis and Bono Fought With Nunchuks, Bono Would Have Kicked Elvis' Bloated, Drug-Fattened Ass Interpretation: Did anybody burning the Danish flag and urinating on Danish butter cookies stop a second, and realize these suicide bombers were going to heaven? I thought not!


Hello, I'm Bill Gates, and I Was Also TIME Man of the Year, And I Just Felt Like Including Bono (and My Wife) Interpretation: Cue the music: "Ah-ah-ah-ah stayin' alive! Stayin' alive! Ah-ah-ah-ah stayin' aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive, iiiiiiiiiiive!" John Travolta never looked as good in his white suit, and he's a Scientologist.

In Fact, Since I'm Bill Gates, and Even If I Give Billions to Charity, Only I Can Solve the World's Problems Because I STILL Own Your Ass Interpretation: Why is everybody upset about this? It's obviously not the prophet Muhammed. It's simply a Middle East version of Tony Orlando and Dawn, for gawdsakes. "Tie a yellow burka round the ol' oak tree..."

And it fits in nicely with all of those yellow Support Our Troops car sticker messages seen in suburbs all around our great nation.


Hey, Mahn, This Is Sammy Davis Here, and, As a Black and a Jew, I Totally Do Not Dig What's Going On Right Now Interpretation: Simple. Somebody crashed a plane into the Statue of Liberty, and a guy from Williamsburg leading a field trip just happened to be there with a menorah, and he was lighting up as a distress signal. Easy.

Listen Here, Sammy, I'm the Chairman of the Board and I Say When These Commie Liberal Religous Wack-Os Knock Off the Rioting Interpretation: Obviously an accurate interpretation of Jewish influence in America. I mean, look at the Jews running everything. I mean, Slash is a Jew! Rodney Dangerfield was a Jew! Sammy Davis was a Jew! They control entertainment, they control everything!

Now Listen Here, Frank, If You Don't Get Me Another Bottle I'll Sing "That's Amore" Again Interpretation: "You paid how much for that menorah? My uncle in Minsk could have gotten you that menorah for half the cost! The very same menorah!"


We Don't Listen to Punkified Musical Rock Down in Crawford Interpretation: Joey Ramone never sang "Gabba gabba hate"! And he was a Jew!

Did 'Ya See Them There Steelers Super Bowling Victory, Oh, What's That Hatifed Evildoers Making A Ruckus? Interpretation: The international ambassador of Islamic-Jewish dialog, and a man who promotes peace, love and harmony. "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue." Even the worst anti-Semite has to agree.

What's That? No, I've Never Met the Ambassador from Ramoneastan, But I'd Love to Have Him Down at the RanchInterpretation: Joey Ramone, may he rest in peace, was Jewish.

And this is the religion people are all upset about?